Being a good parent and learning to be a better me

Pretty sure when I was a little girl, I never asked for a life full of trials and tribulations, nor did I ever wish for such a thing. Nope, can't say that I recall ever asking for such a thing or even ever thinking of it. I do remember, however, willow trees, jumping in the leaves and rainbows.Those are the things I remember that are happy memories. I remember, my grandmother reading to me and turning the pages while I wondered how long would it take to turn that one page with her old hands ( which I remember, EVERY TIME I turn a page while reading to my children today ). I remember, how she would brush my hair and how I wished she'd never stop. I remember, how my dad would take me out to watch the thunderstorm in the rain, while sitting on pull down armrest in the old buick. I remember, singing with my friends the 'friend' song about sliding down the rainbow. I remember, the girl scouts song Silver and Gold.

I do have some good memories. Not many, but some.

The memories that help me to be the parent and woman that I am today are not those memories. They are the memories that hurt. They are the memories I'd NEVER wish upon anyone - not even my worst enemies. These are what help sculpt me today.

I don't recall ever asking for a divorced family . I don't ever recall wanting to have to deal with the aftermath of a divorce and I certainly do not EVER recall having any idea of what would happen and how hard it would be to deal with the adventures that lied within the simple gesture of signing another piece of paper.

I do recall, when I had two beautiful children and I held them in the first few hours in my body and then afterwards in my arms, that they would never go through what I went through. They would never know the hurt and pain that I endured as a young child. Not that I ever thought that I would become divorced, because that never crossed my mind, but I knew that my children deserved what I never had a chance at. To be loved. By both of their parents, 100%.

I think with the decision and conscious effort, I have to endure alot of pain and growth as an adult and a mature woman. I have to work on me in order to stay a strong person for them. The adventures that I endure today, were never imagined in my world or mind as I was growing up. But what I did imagine, was someone always there for me....always. For my children, I make damn sure that I'm that and so is their father.

Today I had to drive away from my daughter's gymnastics meet, alone. As my children were with their father this weekend. He was at the meet, as he always is being a good parent, with his girlfriend, her son and her father - who were my friends at one point in my life. This is the second time this has happened, as my friends and family are very busy in their lives and I need to be there for my daughter. Though, it hurts. Alot.

That situation is one that I have never imagined happening.

The choices we make in our lifes affect so many people we'd never be able to imagine how many. The immediate members in our lives, are those that need the most love. From that love, it trickles to more souls and so on. I know that in my life I've loved, many. Many friends, many family members, Many.

I'll continue to love. Though at times, you never know if that love won't be enough, but at least you know you loved.

There are situations that we'll never have had imagined would occur. Yet, through these situations, as hard as they may be, we grow. From that growth, we become.


Life is full of wonderful people. Just remember, love 'em. You might save their lives and save them from so much heartache in their future.


* I share my experience, strength and hope for a reason - so that you know that you are not alone.

God Bless and oodles of HUGS