Pretty sure when I was a little girl, I never asked for a life full of trials and tribulations, nor did I ever wish for such a thing. Nope, can't say that I recall ever asking for such a thing or even ever thinking of it. I do remember, however, willow trees, jumping in the leaves and rainbows.Those are the things I remember that are happy memories. I remember, my grandmother reading to me and turning the pages while I wondered how long would it take to turn that one page with her old hands ( which I remember, EVERY TIME I turn a page while reading to my children today ). I remember, how she would brush my hair and how I wished she'd never stop. I remember, how my dad would take me out to watch the thunderstorm in the rain, while sitting on pull down armrest in the old buick. I remember, singing with my friends the 'friend' song about sliding down the rainbow. I remember, the girl scouts song Silver and Gold.
I do have some good memories. Not many, but some.
The memories that help me to be the parent and woman that I am today are not those memories. They are the memories that hurt. They are the memories I'd NEVER wish upon anyone - not even my worst enemies. These are what help sculpt me today.
I don't recall ever asking for a divorced family . I don't ever recall wanting to have to deal with the aftermath of a divorce and I certainly do not EVER recall having any idea of what would happen and how hard it would be to deal with the adventures that lied within the simple gesture of signing another piece of paper.
I do recall, when I had two beautiful children and I held them in the first few hours in my body and then afterwards in my arms, that they would never go through what I went through. They would never know the hurt and pain that I endured as a young child. Not that I ever thought that I would become divorced, because that never crossed my mind, but I knew that my children deserved what I never had a chance at. To be loved. By both of their parents, 100%.
I think with the decision and conscious effort, I have to endure alot of pain and growth as an adult and a mature woman. I have to work on me in order to stay a strong person for them. The adventures that I endure today, were never imagined in my world or mind as I was growing up. But what I did imagine, was someone always there for me....always. For my children, I make damn sure that I'm that and so is their father.
Today I had to drive away from my daughter's gymnastics meet, alone. As my children were with their father this weekend. He was at the meet, as he always is being a good parent, with his girlfriend, her son and her father - who were my friends at one point in my life. This is the second time this has happened, as my friends and family are very busy in their lives and I need to be there for my daughter. Though, it hurts. Alot.
That situation is one that I have never imagined happening.
The choices we make in our lifes affect so many people we'd never be able to imagine how many. The immediate members in our lives, are those that need the most love. From that love, it trickles to more souls and so on. I know that in my life I've loved, many. Many friends, many family members, Many.
I'll continue to love. Though at times, you never know if that love won't be enough, but at least you know you loved.
There are situations that we'll never have had imagined would occur. Yet, through these situations, as hard as they may be, we grow. From that growth, we become.
Life is full of wonderful people. Just remember, love 'em. You might save their lives and save them from so much heartache in their future.
* I share my experience, strength and hope for a reason - so that you know that you are not alone.
God Bless and oodles of HUGS
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
This year I wore less make up
A good friend of mine said to me earlier this afternoon, do something for yourself, relax. My response to him was: I will schedule that for Friday. His response back was simply, tonight. He continued to say, the only one that will take care of you, is you. Put the children to bed, read a book, take a bath.
I pondered this as I cleaned up after a few suppers ( I get tired and leave the dishes a night or two ), cleaning up the kitchen. Also remembering a saying I heard a while back " A clean cupboard is a clean kitchen " - I didnt know what that meant so I had to google it, I found out later that it meant that if you start with the cupboard, one usually doesnt stop there, so you find yourself a clean kitchen. Tonight, I have just that. The cupboards are clean, the dishes are put away and the floor is swept. I was also able to vacuum the floor and fold five loads of laundry. I was also able to accomplish getting my daughters homework done for the night, watching over her as she did it, for confidence sake and also allow for the children to paint and color for some time while cleaning up. As well as all of that, I was also able to put in a total of 10 hrs of work today. However, I was unable to do my regular schedule workout regimen, as my work is a little more pressured at this time. OH and yes, of course, upon waking, we got our breakfasts, fed the dog and took him to the bathroom. As well as dropping and picking up the children from Daycare.
Its now 7:48 and the children are taking the dog for his potty break and then coming back up to get their pj's on for the evening. Where we will read and get them to shut their eyes.
As I write all of this down, I am also recalling all the gentle reminders of my dearest friends, reminding me that I am inspiration to some and also a great mother. At times, this day in particular, I was not remembering this at all. More along the lines of forgetting and getting down on myself on how life gets me at times. Some times I just want to pack up my things and just leave, yet, you know I ran from life so many times and it only caught up to me twice as hard when I slowed down enough to allow it to happen.
Lately, I have also really despised being single. All the different things that you face, the running with the children, the figuring out the bills on your own, taking care of the dogs poop as the children almost kill each other, walking through the grocery store as they fight - loudly, the tantrums that occur where you don't know whether you should pull out your hair or just lock everyone in their rooms, the battles between time - getting them to daycare so that I can hit my first meeting, scheduling a training for a marathon and not knowing how to fit in the running hours, not knowing the exact time you can get a meeting in, or just plain NOT KNOWING, how about the loneliness that you feel as you watch a movie - just wanting to be held some times would feel soo good, or how about you just plain ole wonder if this is how it will always be, alone - fighting the battles by yourself.
So, as these thoughts are upon me, I remember to reach out, whether its via FB, the phone or plain ole texting. You know, sometimes, when you see someone texting, you might just want to stop and think "Maybe they are actually reaching out for a first time or that they are having a horrible day and you just need to be patient with them".
Its days like these that make me WONDER - HOW DO IT DO -- well, than the major factor other than friends and family would be my HP. To my HP I owe my life today. For all the stuff that I just told you that I go through, did I tell you all the wonderful things I experienced today???
Today my joy and gratitude came from:
Listening to my children play peacefully while painting/coloring pictures
Listening to others at work, while they put their all into what they believe is the 'right' thing for their areas.
Listening to the rain as it cleansed the world
Watching the sun rise in the early A.M.
Gratitude that I have tools to do to what is the next 'right' action
Gratitude for my friends and family and their kind words
Gratitude for the teachings that I have had
Gratitude to know that I need to reach out
Gratitude to know that I have two beautiful children
Gratitude that I have all that I do and that my HP would never put more than what I can handle in front of me.
My life as it is today is very busy, very full and very amazing if I stop long enough to look at it and breath.
And as I close this -- I know that this year, I did not hide behind make up, I ran without it on, I lived without it on and I also did not hide behind it. This year, I am me. Me in the fullest, at all times. Either you like it or you dont.
Thank you for your patience with me and also for reading through this crowded blog.
May you rest well tonight.
Hugs
I pondered this as I cleaned up after a few suppers ( I get tired and leave the dishes a night or two ), cleaning up the kitchen. Also remembering a saying I heard a while back " A clean cupboard is a clean kitchen " - I didnt know what that meant so I had to google it, I found out later that it meant that if you start with the cupboard, one usually doesnt stop there, so you find yourself a clean kitchen. Tonight, I have just that. The cupboards are clean, the dishes are put away and the floor is swept. I was also able to vacuum the floor and fold five loads of laundry. I was also able to accomplish getting my daughters homework done for the night, watching over her as she did it, for confidence sake and also allow for the children to paint and color for some time while cleaning up. As well as all of that, I was also able to put in a total of 10 hrs of work today. However, I was unable to do my regular schedule workout regimen, as my work is a little more pressured at this time. OH and yes, of course, upon waking, we got our breakfasts, fed the dog and took him to the bathroom. As well as dropping and picking up the children from Daycare.
Its now 7:48 and the children are taking the dog for his potty break and then coming back up to get their pj's on for the evening. Where we will read and get them to shut their eyes.
As I write all of this down, I am also recalling all the gentle reminders of my dearest friends, reminding me that I am inspiration to some and also a great mother. At times, this day in particular, I was not remembering this at all. More along the lines of forgetting and getting down on myself on how life gets me at times. Some times I just want to pack up my things and just leave, yet, you know I ran from life so many times and it only caught up to me twice as hard when I slowed down enough to allow it to happen.
Lately, I have also really despised being single. All the different things that you face, the running with the children, the figuring out the bills on your own, taking care of the dogs poop as the children almost kill each other, walking through the grocery store as they fight - loudly, the tantrums that occur where you don't know whether you should pull out your hair or just lock everyone in their rooms, the battles between time - getting them to daycare so that I can hit my first meeting, scheduling a training for a marathon and not knowing how to fit in the running hours, not knowing the exact time you can get a meeting in, or just plain NOT KNOWING, how about the loneliness that you feel as you watch a movie - just wanting to be held some times would feel soo good, or how about you just plain ole wonder if this is how it will always be, alone - fighting the battles by yourself.
So, as these thoughts are upon me, I remember to reach out, whether its via FB, the phone or plain ole texting. You know, sometimes, when you see someone texting, you might just want to stop and think "Maybe they are actually reaching out for a first time or that they are having a horrible day and you just need to be patient with them".
Its days like these that make me WONDER - HOW DO IT DO -- well, than the major factor other than friends and family would be my HP. To my HP I owe my life today. For all the stuff that I just told you that I go through, did I tell you all the wonderful things I experienced today???
Today my joy and gratitude came from:
Listening to my children play peacefully while painting/coloring pictures
Listening to others at work, while they put their all into what they believe is the 'right' thing for their areas.
Listening to the rain as it cleansed the world
Watching the sun rise in the early A.M.
Gratitude that I have tools to do to what is the next 'right' action
Gratitude for my friends and family and their kind words
Gratitude for the teachings that I have had
Gratitude to know that I need to reach out
Gratitude to know that I have two beautiful children
Gratitude that I have all that I do and that my HP would never put more than what I can handle in front of me.
My life as it is today is very busy, very full and very amazing if I stop long enough to look at it and breath.
And as I close this -- I know that this year, I did not hide behind make up, I ran without it on, I lived without it on and I also did not hide behind it. This year, I am me. Me in the fullest, at all times. Either you like it or you dont.
Thank you for your patience with me and also for reading through this crowded blog.
May you rest well tonight.
Hugs
Friday, May 8, 2009
Curiousity Killed the Cat
This saying "Curiosity Killed the Cat" has got me quite curious lately. I think I got the gist of it.
If one is curious all the time, it rules over ones mind and then it will eventually kill you. Kill you, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. As you sit there, and rot away from trying to figure out the cause of the curiosity!!
Here is a quick short story that I feel is very real and the curiously of the situation is what got the better hand for me.
We, my children and I, were blessed with a miracle of a mother robin designing a beautiful nest under our deck this spring. She laid four perfect blue eggs!
A few days after discovering the eggs, my children, a friend of mine and I, were able to watch them all hatch into beautiful miracles of life.
A few days after this, my dog, had discovered the nest - I believe this came from the adventures of the mother swooping at him. He continuously monitored the nest and the mother continued to protect this home she so carefully built and loved.
As the babies, had some fuzz on them, we discovered the mother dead. Now -- I was very saddened by this. I monitored the nest, to make sure there was no activity from an adult robin.
I now have them on a warm water bottle, with a blanket ( over the bottle and a little over them ) . In the morning I will call the closest zoo and ask for help or for them to take them in and help me keep them alive.
I am not sure that I am a help or hindrance to this situation, yet, I souly believe that there was a reason that this all happened. Yet, I know that I am not going to know if they live or die, unless I try to do my best and help out. They will possibly die eitherway, but at least I tried.
Gods creatures are amazing and if I am allowed a minute to watch them or how they grow it is a miracle!!
Tonight I am truly grateful for my HP and how evident he is in my life!!
Hugs to my readers!!
If one is curious all the time, it rules over ones mind and then it will eventually kill you. Kill you, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. As you sit there, and rot away from trying to figure out the cause of the curiosity!!
Here is a quick short story that I feel is very real and the curiously of the situation is what got the better hand for me.
We, my children and I, were blessed with a miracle of a mother robin designing a beautiful nest under our deck this spring. She laid four perfect blue eggs!
A few days after discovering the eggs, my children, a friend of mine and I, were able to watch them all hatch into beautiful miracles of life.
A few days after this, my dog, had discovered the nest - I believe this came from the adventures of the mother swooping at him. He continuously monitored the nest and the mother continued to protect this home she so carefully built and loved.
As the babies, had some fuzz on them, we discovered the mother dead. Now -- I was very saddened by this. I monitored the nest, to make sure there was no activity from an adult robin.
I now have them on a warm water bottle, with a blanket ( over the bottle and a little over them ) . In the morning I will call the closest zoo and ask for help or for them to take them in and help me keep them alive.
I am not sure that I am a help or hindrance to this situation, yet, I souly believe that there was a reason that this all happened. Yet, I know that I am not going to know if they live or die, unless I try to do my best and help out. They will possibly die eitherway, but at least I tried.
Gods creatures are amazing and if I am allowed a minute to watch them or how they grow it is a miracle!!
Tonight I am truly grateful for my HP and how evident he is in my life!!
Hugs to my readers!!
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