Lemons into Lemonade

There are many times that I have wondered, WHY ME, WHY NOW, WHY THIS, WHY THAT. I kept asking why and never really heard an answer. Was it that I was possibly not looking at what I needed to at that very moment, instead of living in the moment, I was looking for answers that were not evident. Maybe it was me, trying to get out of the moment, not being willing to feel the feelings and walk through the pain and growth that was in front of me. Maybe the answers were actually sitting right in front of me, they were just not the ones I wanted or that they were not as prominent that I believed they should be.

There is a saying that I have heard in the past year and I really enjoyed hearing this - now that is - when life throws you lemons make lemonade!!

In the past year, I felt alot of betrayal and with that comes alot of pain and hurt. Walking through that pain and hurt is not something that I really ever imagined!! The simple fact that the betrayal would actually occur to me and the other fact that the feelings that came with that were sooo profound that I did not realize that one could live through them.

I am here to tell you that no matter what type of betrayal one is handed in life, the pain is inevitable and the misery, my friend, is optional. It is up to you to do with the pain what you need to and turn it into lemonade.

This, is not a an easy thing to. For the simple fact that living in fear is very paralyzing. To be completely in denial of the pain is much easier and simpler, yet, the simple fact that - walking through all of it - is that you will grow and become a much better soul and also like yourself much more if you walk through it!!

The pain that I felt in the past year, was unimaginable to me. I have had to deal with pain, and not medicating it on a daily basis. Yet, I can say that I would not face it all head on. I would put it off to the side, or not deal with it at that moment. In time I realized that pushing it to the side, only stunted my growth as a human being. The pain, that I felt before this year, had to be dealt with so that I had enough room in my soul to feel this pain and to walk through it.

I have been walking through it and not turning back, last night was another path through the pain that I was given and took. I walked into the pain, into the betrayal, into the lives of those around me that knew the entirety of the situation and I chose to walk the path and face the situation and not hide. For me to hide and run seems to be an easy road. That road, I did not chose last night I chose the road less traveled for me. To my surprise, it felt amazing!!! It felt awesome to be me and to be around those that did love me. It reminded me that I was not the one that needs to run away, it reminded me that I have become a beautiful woman with alot of integrity and strength and that I should not hide me. I need to be out in the open with the world and share who I am and what I have been through.

Last night, was another part of the lemonade and I believe that it tastes AWESOME!!!

How did you deal with the lemons??

My weight loss story

Here is a some of the story that I am going to send into a few magazines.

My weight loss began with the notion that I wanted to fit into my pants - as I had grown out of all of them and my shirts were not fitting either. So, I saught out a personal trainer. ( Decided to do that instead of joining a gym, as I did not know where we would end up and I wanted to focus on many things, yet, did not know how to do it on my own )

The year and a half before I was introduced to my trainer I had been diagnosed with post partum depression, BI-Polar, miscarried a baby ( partial molar ), claimed bankruptcy and foreclosed on a home. A month or two after I was working with my trainer, my husband left me and a week later was seeing someone that a so called family friend ( was my personal assistant in my wedding and her father was our best man ).

With all of that in mind, I went into working with my trainer and became a very healthy person. Getting involved into the mind set that I was going to channel my emotions into the working out as well as eating better.

After I had done this, I can now successfully say:

I am no longer on any medications. I was found mis-diagnosed with Bi-Polar and I am no longer on medications for that. I was at one time on medications for Vaso Depressor Syn copy and took medications for that. I am now in the best shape I have ever been in my life. My cholesterol was high 2 years ago, it is now perfect. I have awesome blood pressure and a wonderful heart rate.

I am also training to run a half marathon in June. This has helped my workout regime and kept me on track and I am still continuing to loose inches and wieght.

It takes motivation, strength, courage and love to continue to take care of ones body and soul. Yet the gifts that you get from these activities and movements in life are phenomenial!!!!

Here are my measurements from the time I began up to my last measurements:

Initial:
Weight: 194
Chest: 46.5
Hips: 47
Bicep: 12.25
Thigh: 22.5
Waist: 41.25
Calf: 14.75
Body Fat: 34%

9-month:
Weight: 153
Chest: 39.5
Hips: 36.5
Bicep: 11
Thigh: 20
Waist: 32.5
Calf: 14.25
Body Fat: 26%

hugs from me